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Yeah, there are moments when Batman breaks the rules, and someone once told me that George Clooney is the only Batman that never killed anyone, which is totally true when you think about it. Bale's Batman killed several people, usually in moments of desperation that were justified by the narrative (pushing Harvey Dent off the ledge in The Dark Knight for example), but in this it's just wanton slaughter. There are things that the movie gets right but they're few and far between. There's a sequence where Batman fights a bunch of mobsters that they essentially nail (he even knocks a grenade out of a mobster's hand and it explodes killing him, which wouldn't have bothered me if it was the only instance of Batman killing in the movie).

I don't understand the obsession with Batman and Superman as sadsacks, either. The fucking male angst in the movie is through the fucking roof. Batman is totally a brooding character, but there's a balance to be struck there, which was pretty well done by Christian Bale. Superman, on the other hand, has essentially NO RIGHT to be moping around through the entire movie. If he's supposed to embody truth, justice and the American way, they fucking failed miserably.

As for the destruction in Man of Steel, I wanted to walk out of the theater at that point. I had, the previous summer, had my heart broken by The Dark Knight Rises and was not ready to see the Superman mythology perverted in the same way. As you said, his non-interest in preventing civilian casualty by even a throw-away line or shot of him trying to drag Zod into space is the most insulting thing about it. As is often the case with Hollywood, they just don't give a shit about the source material or pleasing the fans. Comedian Mike Lawrence said "they made a Batman and Superman movie for people who beat me up for reading Batman and Superman comics". I felt like I was being told by the movie "don't like it? fuck off back to your Nolan movies."

As for the 9/11 parallels, yeah, that's totally what they were going for and they double down on it this time around, but as you said, there's no room for sympathy in these movies. We never grow to care about any of the mortals, really, or anyone who dies in the combat. It just feels like a big CGI battlefield where all the carnage is implied and we're supposed to accept it because we're so used to shit like Transformers where we're essentially asked to not consider the cost of life on the ground.

I still enjoyed the essential viewing experience of both films, I'll say that much. I did feel abused as a fan of these characters as well. I'm a man at war with himself.